Welcome back to The Self Love Fix. Today, I have a very, very, very special guest with me—maybe even my favorite guest I’ve ever had. Please welcome my boyfriend Osa!

He’s typically a more behind-the-scenes type of person, but we wanted to work together to share a little bit about our relationship: how we met, how we went from dating to a long-term relationship, and more. Let’s get started!

How We Met

Beatrice: So, first off—tell them how we met.

Osa: We met online on Bumble.

Beatrice: Yay, you got it right this time! In case people are wondering why I would ask him that, there was a time where he would tell people we met on Hinge, but it was definitely Bumble. So I’m proud of him for getting that right. What do you think about the apps, by the way?

Osa: Well, it’s a very interesting time to be dating. Let’s say that. But I do feel like I had more positive experiences leading up to meeting you and starting our relationship.

Beatrice: What would you say to people who don’t want to use the dating apps or believe they don’t work?

Osa: I definitely think it’s time for people to let go of the stigma. There are a lot of great people that are on the apps. There are plenty of people looking for relationships and growth.

Still, you can’t prevent yourself from having negative experiences, but the positive ones outweigh them for sure.

Beatrice: You would think I’m advertising for dating apps, the way I’m trying to get everybody on them. You can meet people in person, you can meet people on apps…you can meet people anywhere, but I think when we cut ourselves off from an opportunity, it just doesn’t serve us.

From Dating to Relationship

Beatrice: Let’s chat about what led from us dating to us actually being in a relationship, because it happened fast. It was only about four dates before we knew.

Osa: We definitely both knew. The vibes were just right.

Beatrice: So in your mind, what was something that led you to go from “Okay, I enjoy dating her” to “Actually, I want to be in a relationship with her?”

Osa: Well, the first thing was obviously that you’re very, very beautiful. But secondly, and most importantly, is your heart. You have a very sweet heart. You have this wonderful ability to see the best in people, and I love that about you.

Besides that, it was really fantastic to see somebody so open and warm and welcoming…but also  to find somebody who actually wanted a relationship.

Sometimes when you’re on those apps, people just want to have fun; they don’t want to get into anything serious. But Beatrice was very mature and wise in the way that she was moving. Even the questions that she asked me when we were dating were out of the norm, though definitely in my lane.

I think that’s why the vibes just really felt really good. The connection was definitely there.

Ask The Right Questions, Respect New Opinions

Beatrice: Can you share some of the questions that struck you as out of the norm?

Osa: I guess out of the norm isn’t quite right. They weren’t out of left field or anything, but they were much more mature than what I was expecting.

It was a long time ago, so I can’t remember many, but I know I had mentioned to you that I like to read. So one of the key questions that you asked me on our first date was just, “What is your favorite book?”

It sounds simple, but it led into all of these other questions about life and about the way that we view the world. It was a really, really great experience to get to be asked that, but also to have the chance to ask it right back.

Beatrice: That question sparked conversations around technology, social media, even faith and religion. It was an interesting conversation for a first date, because usually first dates are light, but sometimes you’re just going with the flow and you go into deeper topics. It felt really natural.

Osa: I think that’s partly because we both have a love for self-improvement, as well as developing a more introspective self, where we like to talk about those deeper topics. I think that’s what really drew us together as a couple, because we like to talk about some of those more difficult things.

I think that the level of depth that we were going into each other’s lives was what actually helped keep us connected in those initial phases. I think that’s what really kept the connection and the fire going for a long time.

And in addition to that, the way that we treated each other with a profound level of respect and a profound level of appreciation for who that person was really helped build the foundations of our relationship.

Beatrice: I think so, too. We respected each other’s opinions, even if we didn’t hold the same ones. We would just listen to each other and work to understand.

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Work As A Team

Beatrice: We’ve now been in our relationship for nearly two years. It’s been amazing. It’s been awesome And I think something that I’ve learned through our relationship is that it can be so easy to look at other people’s relationships and assume things about their connection or how they’ve gotten to where they are.

In fact, if you’re not careful, you can end up looking at them like they’re on a pedestal. You can think they have something you don’t. But that’s not true.

All relationships take work. For these two years, we have been boots to the ground; we’ve been figuring out how to communicate, how to really hear each other, and how to best handle things like arguments, because those do come up. No relationship is perfect. I don’t know any couples that never have an argument or a disagreement.

Osa: How to work as a team is another big one.

Beatrice: Absolutely. When you’re in a relationship, it’s so easy to be individually focused and forget that it’s a partnership. But we’ve learned a lot, and I feel like we’ve really built this thing together. That’s one important thing that most relationships should have: you should both be growing together, and you should be becoming better human beings in the process.

Osa: That’s the one thing that I really love about our relationship; we’ve really taken the roots and grown our relationship from the bottom up. We took the time to examine every single aspect of our relationship and build it according to what we want, where we’re going, everything that matters for building a life together and building a relationship.

Lessons Learned

Beatrice: Last question to you. We were talking about how we help each other grow, and it got me curious…what is it that you feel you’ve learned as a result of our relationship?

Osa: I think one thing that I’ve learned from our relationship is that we are not fixed individuals. (Yes, she coaches me too, everyone. It’s fun.)

Another thing I’ve learned from some of our discussions is that our mindset is one of the most important factors of how we’re going to approach and see the world. She has helped me expand the way that I see not just myself, but also the world.

I think sometimes when we only approach things according to how we were raised or how we were conditioned to in school or whatever, we have blind spots. And often, it’s hard to spot those blind spots on your own. Sometimes you really have to drop your ego or drop whatever you may have learned in the past and try to observe things from a different vantage point.

So if there’s one thing Beatrice is definitely skilled at, it’s helping people to see where they’re at, but also to reflect and see things through a different lens. You’re great at helping them see where they’re blocking themselves, but it doesn’t feel like you’re attacking or analyzing. You’re just presenting it in a way that is calm but approachable, and you present it in a way that is easily understandable for that person.

Off The Record

I’m so happy I got to do this with Osa, and I hope this peek into the behind-the-scenes of our relationship showed you what going from dating to a long-term relationship is actually like!

Now, if you enjoyed this, you’ll want to check out something else we’re doing together.

We have decided to collaborate on an offer called Off The Record. We’re going to have conversations much like this one, but we’re going deeper. We’re going to put a magnifying glass to our relationship and examine the roles that faith and our relationship to God play in our relationship, how emotional intelligence and communication supported our ability to understand each other and work through our moments of frustration, as well as tackling some stuff around masculine and feminine energy.

We hope to see you there. It’s going to be an audio experience, and it’ll drop later this month. We’ll have more information on the page, but you can check it out by following the link below. Otherwise, thank you for listening to a little bit of our story!

WORK WITH BEATRICE:

Listen to OFF THE RECORD, a deep-dive into some of the most intimate parts of mine and Osa’s relationship: https://beatricekamau.com/otr 

CONNECT WITH BEATRICE:

Want to get to know the woman behind the podcast? Find me in these TikTok streets: https://www.tiktok.com/@iambeatricekamau 

Be sure to connect with me more on Instagram @theselflovefix. I’d love to hear what you thought of this episode and what your major takeaways were.

Head over to my website to learn more about how we can work together to shift your energy & transform your life.

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