Never feel like you’re settling again…because you’re not! I have a somewhat hot take that the idea of settling is a myth. But after you read this post, I have a feeling that you’ll agree with my thoughts.

Since we’re all adults that control our own lives, the choice is in your hands when it comes to who you date. And that means that everything about the person or people you end up with along the way appeals to you and your desires in some way. 

Learn more about this concept and how you can shift your dating mindset by reading on.

Everything is a Choice

The idea of settling implies you’re choosing someone beneath your standards. But it’s a choice to be with someone and to interact with them and spend your time on them. Plus – aren’t you the one choosing your standards?

No one is being forced to be with someone, we all have free will, right? I want to bring this different perspective to you if you constantly feel like you’re settling. Realize that we’re always getting what we ask for, even if it’s what we don’t truly want.

We’re the ones making ourselves available for whatever we’re choosing. This can be a conscious or subconscious thing. For instance, when we’re with someone emotionally unavailable but saying we want someone emotionally available, we’re in some way choosing that person even though they’re not what we say we’re looking for. 

The truth is that everything we do is out of desire. If we’re willingly there and willingly with someone, some part of us is benefitting from that. The mistake that comes from this is when we shame ourselves for the choices we make. 

Like when we say, why am I continuing to go with emotionally unavailable people? And then that leads to the mindset, “all men are trash.” That’s when this perspective presents a problem.

Here’s the thing: it’s okay to be emotionally unavailable. The question for you is – when you’re continuously choosing to be people that exhibit this quality, what in you actually wants that? It could be that your subconscious is in conflict with your conscious mind, and you don’t want that real commitment underneath it all. 

Or maybe you are chaining yourself to whoever comes along and trying to change them to match your ideals. There are several possibilities that denote what desire you have at play, but know that you are making a choice when it comes to your partners.

Different Attachment Styles

There are a couple of different attachment styles I want to discuss. The first is the “avoidant” attachment style. Here, you want to be close to someone but once that happens, you find trivial things that you don’t like about them. You use those things to push them away. That, in turn, satisfies your unconscious desires of not wanting to be committed to someone. 

This attachment style is SUPER clear on what they want but is way too rigid about it. This style also prefers distance.

The next attachment style leans more anxious. This style of person might be under the impression that love and relationships are very scarce. For that reason, this individual will be with anyone as long as they stick around for them. They’re there for whoever shows up.

This person is not clear at all on what they want. The important thing to them is that they’re with SOMEONE.

What Do You Actually Want?

So the important thing is to figure out what you actually want. That helps prevent you from feeling like you’re settling. Be really clear on what you want out of a significant other and a relationship. 

Start writing down what you’re looking for in a person. But be sure you’re not writing down things that you think you want because they sound good. For instance, denoting that you need someone who is college educated or someone that drives a certain type of car. 

Each desire on this list should connect to a feeling that’s significant to you. If you’re not sure why something is significant to you, it’ll be really hard to stand behind it. 

Having this clarity makes it a choice to be with who you’re with. It creates a discipline that allows you to have integrity with yourself. This integrity will allow you the confidence to go with your desires and identify ppl that aren’t for you. 

Take a look at the language you use when talking about what you want. Are you more focused on what you want or what you don’t want? Do you believe you SHOULD have what you want? Are you willing to sacrifice anything that comes your way that’s not in alignment with what you do want? These questions are all very important to ask yourself.

Shifting to an Abundance Mindset

You need to shift from a mindset of scarcity that says, “there’s only one person out there for me,” to a mindset of abundance. Think about how you act regarding jobs. You don’t think – there’s only ONE job out there for me, and I have to have that one. No – you approach a job like, there are tons of job postings out there, there are many that fit your credentials. 

So why not apply that same mindset to finding a partner? The truth is that there are many great guys out there – and you’re a dynamic being with different interests and desires. There are multiple people out there that would be a wonderful significant other for you.

Shift your mindset to one of abundance and it’ll change everything. You won’t feel as though you need to prove yourself to people, there will be nothing to be mad about when you realize someone’s not for you, and you’ll have confidence in yourself and what you love.

Connecting with others starts with you getting deeper into yourself and knowing your passions and what you love. Being emotionally available for yourself will make it so you can’t imagine being with someone that doesn’t mirror that quality. 

Remember that how you act is what you attract, so believing that there are abundant options out there for you in your love life will magnetize those options to you.

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Feel Empowered by Your Choices: The Bottom Line

It’s important to start using information about people to help you decide if you want to make yourself available to them, and don’t let that say something bad about that person. It’s simply a choice. Be clear in what you want and manifest that and it’ll come back to you!

Thank you sooo much for reading!

Be sure to connect with me more over on Instagram @theselflovefix, I’d love to hear what you thought of this post and what your major takeaways were.

Head over to my website to learn more about how we can work together to shift your energy & transform your life.

Are you ready to date with certainty & become the woman who actually embodies what she desires in her dating life? Join the waitlist for my LIVE dating program coming in January 2022. Save your early access spot today before it closes!

Do you feel as though codependency makes it difficult for you to love yourself? To accept yourself? Download this workbook work through exercises on understanding self-love & what it is rooted in. Get your free workbook on self-love!

See you back here for the next one! 

xx Beatrice