Chasing the wrong people in our dating lives and committing to individuals prematurely are both really interesting habits and phenomena. I wanted to talk about it here so that you can gain a better understanding of why we do these things and, more importantly, what we can do to stop.

The idea of finding the right man can be intimidating, but overall – dating should be fun! Stopping these bad habits can help infuse more joy into your love life and will allow you to be clearer than ever on what you’re actually looking for.

Why Do We Chase the Wrong People?

First, you may be wondering – what is the invisible pull that makes me chase the wrong guys to begin with? You’re definitely not the only person who has this question! 

When you chase a man, you’re not hearing the other person when they tell you they’re not interested. Instead, you’re following the “we have to work” mentality. But why does this happen? Chances are, you have NO idea why you’re chasing someone. In fact, you might not even be interested in them, and instead, are just fixated on the chase. If you can’t identify what you like about someone, there’s no aim and you don’t even know where you’re going with them.

You may be chasing someone because you’re worried that it’s a scarcity thing and there’s no other person like them out there for you. I can tell you that’s not true and that’s an unfounded fear.

It’s more likely, though, that you’re chasing someone to prove something to yourself on a subconscious level. If someone is letting you know they’re not interested, you may have a fear that you’re unlovable. This fear drives the chase.

This is because you’re trying to prove that the fear you have is not true. This driving factor makes the chase completely about you and not at all about the connection to the person. 

You could also be chasing someone because you don’t want to look foolish if the relationship doesn’t work out. Maybe you’ve told your friends about it and you worry how it’d look if it doesn’t pan out. Again, this makes the chase about things besides the relationship and connection. It’s time we stop letting a relationship not working out say something about us!

Premature Commitment Explained

Next up, you may be wondering what premature commitment is. Well, have you ever rescheduled things in your life because of the possibility of a date or of hanging out with someone you’re talking to? That, my friends, is premature commitment personified. It’s when you change your schedule because of the possibility of plans.

You need to have a life that’s worth living and understand that you won’t lose out on someone or something because you need to do things in your life. In fact, this will make you more magnetic and attractive. 

Do you have joy and passion for what’s going on in your life or are you throwing it to the side for someone else? Don’t be afraid that prioritizing your plans and your life will scare someone away or make you miss your chance with the right person. You don’t want someone you barely know to think they’re the most important thing to you.

Ask yourself if you commit to people in your mind. Maybe you are dating someone casually but, in your mind, you tell yourself you’re going to be exclusive and not date anyone else because you like them so much. However, you’ve never even had that conversation with the person. That’s committing prematurely.

Dating is all about getting to know people and connecting with them. Don’t prematurely commit to someone before you’re actually in a relationship. You SHOULD be dating multiple people until you’re at that point, just as the other person should as well.

Figuring Out What You Desire 

Knowing what you want out of dating makes it a fun experience, which is how it’s supposed to be. Dating is all about collecting information and matching up a person with what you’re looking for. If you go in with the mindset of, “I just want a relationship,” that means that you’re available for anything.

Instead, you need to zero in on what you’re looking for. What do you desire? If you have trouble connecting to that, there’s likely a reason for it. Dating helps you refine what you’re looking for. You need to think about the “criteria” you have in your mind for your ideal partner and then examine the significance of those things in order to truly decipher what you want and what each of those items means to you.

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What You Believe is What You Get: The Bottom Line 

I want you to understand that what you believe in your mind to be the truth is what you will attract and it will become your reality. For instance, many women believe that it’s rare to be treated well in a relationship. 

Why would that be the case? There are so many kind, honest, and compassionate men out there. However, if you don’t believe that to be true, you won’t experience it. It’s NOT rare for women to be treated well and with respect in relationships. 

However, if you’re not expecting to be treated well it means that you’re not connecting with what you actually want. If you were, you’d be expecting the things you want to come to you. That goes to say that it’s so important to define what you want and have positive beliefs about dating to bring that vision to life.

Thank you sooo much for reading!

Be sure to connect with me more over on Instagram @theselflovefix, I’d love to hear what you thought of this post and what your major takeaways were.

Head over to my website to learn more about how we can work together to shift your energy & transform your life.

Ready to start understanding & cultivating self-love, self-acceptance, & self-confidence in your life? Grab your free workbook today!

See you back here for the next one! 

xx Beatrice