There you are, hoping, wishing, praying for real and lasting love- an honest-to-goodness relationship…so why the heck are you continually settling for a situationship? You know what I’m talking about, right?
The situationship- the kind of dating when the guy says stuff like “seeing where it’s going, keeping it casual, just hanging out” and you pretend to be cool with it as your soul dies a little more and your doubt climbs, because can you actually change his mind? In the beginning, you thought maybe you could. Maybe after a while, he’d see how amazing you are and then he’d whisk you away to the land of full-fledged commitment. (Spoiler alert: this is probably not going to happen).
There are a few key reasons you keep finding yourself in this situation. The first one is:
You are what you eat…you’re also what you speak. So even if all you do is think the words, if you’re lumping all men into the “eternal suck” category, you’re going to feel some type of way about every man you meet. You get what you manifest and if your attitude is attuned to disappointment and skepticism, you’re going to attract disappointment and skepticism.
It’s time for you to boldly declare what you want, and then stop settling for less. So if you value monogamy and it’s what you desire, then say that. And then…stop settling for dudes who don’t want it (gasp). Also, maybe stop villainizing them- this relates back to the first point, but as long as they’re up-front with you about what they want, then it’s really not a bad thing that they don’t want a relationship. They just don’t. So stop devaluing yourself and making yourself desperate enough to think things like “But who else is gonna want me, I have to cling on to him even though he wants the opposite of what I want.” No, you are worth it, and there are men out there who want to commit who will know you’re worth it. The question is…will you?
3. But do you actually want a relationship?
Sure you say you do. You whine when you don’t. But to you is intimacy just sex? Or is it the sharing of body AND heart and soul? If deep down you’re afraid of emotional intimacy, it can be really easy to blame the other person, or men in general, instead of working on yourself and getting comfortable with getting vulnerable.
It’s also easy to escape into the blame game and avoid true connection because the stakes are so much lower. If you actually shared parts of yourself on a deep emotional level and facilitated a relationship where your partner did the same, the stakes are that much higher. Every share, every revelation ultimately means if things go south, you have more to lose.
I know that can be really scary, but the other side of that is things will NEVER work out if you don’t give them a chance to grow deeper than just the physical. So do you want to fail knowing you’ve tried (and hey you just might win instead) or do you want to fail as a default in the name of everything you fear? The choice is yours.
Be sure to connect with me more over on Instagram @theselflovefix, I’d love to hear what you thought of this post and what your major takeaways were.
Head over to my website to learn more about how we can work together to shift your energy & transform your life.
Escape the situationship cycle and become available for an actual relationship. Take accountability for what you really want with my free, transformative 5-day resource. Receive daily tips to help you attract the right kind of men. https://bold-hill-3643.ck.page/2ee1aa3101
See you back here for the next one!