For most of us love is (or at least was) an elusive mystery we could only dream of. That’s why today I’m so excited to welcome my guest Crystal Irom, a Love Coach specifically for successful women. As if women didn’t have it hard enough these days, amiright?

Breaking Old Patterns

Why is it that especially women who are successful in every other aspect of their lives struggle to find someone to love? Is it because men are intimidated? Are these women (possibly you) doomed to roam the world biding your time in between horrible dates and dead-end relationships?

Nope, not according to Crystal (and she would know). But you are going to have to do some work to end your fruitless search. This means shifting your focus and your expectations. Men and women are different, and that includes what’s important to men in terms of a relationship. While you as a boss babe might lead all your accomplishments and success; you should be proud of those things, don’t get me wrong,  but the question here is why? What do they TELL him about you (that you’re dedicated and determined, but those traits do not true love make).

He wants to know you, not your latest award at the office.

What Actually Is Settling?

I see women all the time go out on dates and make amazing connections, but they pass the guy by because he’s not Hollywood handsome and doesn’t check off every single thing they have on their list. The guys treat them like queens but because it’s not *absolutely* perfect, they dismiss the possibility of a fulfilling relationship. 

This is not to say, don’t have standards- just the opposite. In fact, how many times have you overlooked a dude who treats you like crap or is wishy-washy or a horrible communicator, and you make excuses because he’s cute? 

Who’s actually settling here? Is his award-winning smile worth feeling all the anxiety that comes with dating a man who is rude, controlling, or unavailable? I didn’t think so.

LISTEN ON APPLE PODCASTS | LISTEN ON SPOTIFY | LISTEN ON GOOGLE PODCASTS

Not More Than a Feeling: The Bottomline

Here’s the thing; like I mentioned above, if you roll up to the date prepared to mention every award and GPA you’ve ever had you probably think you’re leading with the most important things about you. But actually, you’re leading with the things that make you generic, like every other accomplished woman out there.

Men are really more interested in how you make them feel. They’re interested in your essence, the energy you give off without even trying. This is unique to you and will inform them about the potential for growth and connection based on the individual vibes you bring to the table. 

The trick then is to be able to recognize the power that comes from within and helps you stand out and attract a man who will cherish and protect your energy. It also means that you need to love yourself first for who you are and stop trying to tone down or hide parts of yourself.

That’s not at all sustainable, and sooner or later things will fall apart when he finds out you’re not what you seem. And why do you have to change? You’re wonderful just as you are, and you’ll find someone who loves everything about you, good and bad, but you have to be willing to be real.

Lastly, we’ve all seen those heroines in books and movies who think being guarded and closed-off is cool and intriguing. They act like they hate the hero for half the movie and then somehow they’re making out in the end before the credits. This. Is. Not. Real. 

The guy will just move on. If you want real love, that means you have to be ok with being vulnerable, again and again, for as many times as it takes. You have to be brave and be willing to be hurt in order to be open to the possibility of lasting love.

Be sure to connect with me more over on Instagram @theselflovefix, I’d love to hear what you thought of this post and what your major takeaways were.

Head over to my website to learn more about how we can work together to shift your energy & transform your life.

Escape the situationship cycle and become available for an actual relationship. Take accountability for what you really want with my free, transformative 5-day resource. Receive daily tips to help you attract the right kind of men. https://bold-hill-3643.ck.page/2ee1aa3101

See you back here for the next one!

Connect with Crystal Irom

Instagram: @CrystalIrom

Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/c/CrystalIrom