In this post, I want to talk about something I’ve received a lot of DMs on: maintaining your independence and sense of self. This can apply to being in a relationship or just in general, it’s still an important topic – especially in the context of codependency. A lot of people who have mentioned that are looking to stop depending on others and have that heightened sense of independence. I think this post will take a turn you’re not expecting, so let’s get into it.
When most people discover codependency, they end up demonizing dependency in general. They believe that they cannot depend on anyone for anything. This happened to me. I was teetering between two extremes: hyper dependency and complete independence. The truth is, though, that life has a lot of gray space.
That leads to a sense of her independence and the inability to be vulnerable, plus it tends to prompt people to shut out their emotions. Obviously, that’s not a good thing! As humans, we’re wired for connection. It’s okay to lean on other people and have your own identity at the same time.
We’re not skilled at everything and we don’t always have the answers or solutions to every problem. While we are certainly capable of figuring things out, we simply can’t do everything. Everyone needs help once in a while.
Recognizing when you can’t do something or don’t have the time or space for something and delegating it is healthy. When you’re concerned with codependency, though, you see it as a weakness. It’s not weakness, it’s delegation.
As opposed to asking yourself how you can be independent, shift your focus to: what do I need? It will be more helpful to do this in getting towards the thing that you want.
Especially in healthy relationships, your loved one will want to help and support you. They will be skilled in figuring out what they can take on and help with and what they can’t – trust them in that! If you struggle with that, you may feel like you need to take on everything people ask you for help with. Take a look at that if that’s the case. Ask yourself whether things are serving you whether they’re good or bad.
You can do the same thing with your emotions. You don’t have to keep everything to yourself and deal with your emotions on your own. A lot of people, though, think they’re weak if they need assistance with how they feel. But we only have so much time and energy and so many resources. Leaning on other people can be helpful. Just make sure you’re truly going to them for help and support and that you’re open to listening to them and accepting the help.
You’re already going through something – the best thing you can do in that is be honest with yourself and get the help that you need. Codependency limits your ability to trust yourself – your judgment and your actions. But use your intuition and body to trust yourself and open up to others.
Know that it’s not bad to lean on other people. You don’t need to become hyper-independent. It’s all about smart delegation, efficiency, and – most of all – honoring your needs.
Thank you sooo much for reading!
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