Thanks for clicking in for another blog post! Today I want to talk about boundaries and ownership over energy. I get a lot of questions about this, and it’s so important to understand the way that so many of us hang our energy around the things we don’t want to experience and how that affects our lives and emotions.
We all want to avoid getting caught up in negative energy, and we actually have quite a bit of control over that. That’s a good thing, right? We just need to be clear about it to make it more tangible. Join me below to learn about how you can gain more control over the energy you surround yourself with and experience via boundaries!
First I want to talk about being proactive versus reactive and how that relates to boundaries. You can really change up your experience and the outcome of a situation by altering whether you’re proactive or reactive.
If you’re reactive to a situation, you’re waiting until it happens to impulsively figure out what to do about it. Being reactive means that you’re purely reacting and letting the unconscious things come out of your brain in response to a situation.
On the other hand, being proactive means you reflect on past situations, you account for how you feel, and you are defining what you’re available for and comfortable with emotionally.
Hanging your energy around the idea of being reactive means that you’re preparing for some kind of altercation. Inside of us, there is always some unconscious part of us that seeks that drama.
But getting our emotions and feelings out helps us avoid that tendency. So let me give you an example. A lot of times, relationships can involve sex but no commitment. That sets you up constantly for reactivity because your mindset is, “maybe if we have sex, this person will stay.” This puts you in a highly reactive state.
But if you’re proactive about the situation, you’re thinking to yourself before you even meet that person about what you’re looking for in a partner and relationship and determining what’s important to you. And to take it a step beyond that, you’re adhering to these things.
Any lack of clarity is setting yourself up for reactivity. That’s why boundaries work so well- they provide a blueprint with how you want to act and how you want others to act.
Another important thing to realize here, though, is that what’s important to you is not necessarily the same as what’s important to someone else. Everyone has different boundaries.
Your boundary belongs to you, not to the people in your life. But being proactive about these boundaries means calmly communicating them and then asking the other person what they think. Then, you have to cooperate with their feelings, too. Finally, release the idea that just because you said something it means it has to go your way.
Next, I want to touch on boundaries with family members, which is super important. It’s time to examine the part of you that seeks that “smoke” or drama with anyone, especially family members.
Are you constantly anticipating different situations that will be dramatic with particular family members? If so, you’re setting yourself up to be reactive to a situation if you’re worried about their actions. Instead, be concerned with what’s comfortable for you and pay attention to your own energy. Hang your energy around there.
Connect to your body and intuition and let your body guide you towards your handling of a situation. First, decide what you want to experience and then let your nervous system line up with that.
To set effective boundaries with family members, you need to again ask yourself what you want to experience. It’s not easy, because we can’t control how others act.
Let’s visit an example – say you know that seeing a certain family member will result in them bombarding you with uncomfortable questions. From there, you need to be clear on what you are and are not available for with that person. For instance, maybe you need to change the cadence of the relationship with that individual and how much you communicate. Perhaps a less active relationship is more aligned with your needs. It’s time for you to take that ownership and set that boundary for yourself.
Another example is if you’re an adult who lives with your parents. Maybe they are continuously violating your boundaries by coming into your room or something along those lines. You need to get clear from there on what you have to do to get to a place with that relationship where you want to be. Do you need to get a new job to change your living situation? Is there something you can shift about yourself to change the way they’re acting?
Setting boundaries with family members is hugely important – and remember that you’re in charge of doing so. Tap into that power to align your familial relationships to what you want them to be.
Boundaries at work are also something to consider. Maybe you have a co-worker that asks too many personal questions or someone who acts too much like a manager. If you’re being reactive to those issues, it will be a tougher road to travel.
Instead, you need to proactively ask yourself how you want to deal with these situations. Are you ok with how your co-workers act? How can you act to shift the way that they’re acting and to set a boundary?
Have that conversation with yourself and then have an open conversation with your co-worker about these boundaries. Care about and respect your own needs to do this and your decision-making will be a lot more in tune with the energy you want.
Getting clarity around how you want to experience things and the energy you want around yourself is the first step in setting effective boundaries. From there, you need to connect with your body, let your intuition guide you, and align your nervous system with the way you want to feel. Remember to be proactive instead of reactive in setting these boundaries for healthier relationships and a happier life!
Thank you sooo much for reading!
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