I’ve heard so many questions about being fully healed, so I figured it’s about time that I do a post about it. Today, I’m covering “being fully healed” because I want to debunk the idea that people have that they’re going to continue working, working, and working on themselves and then one day be perfect.
There’s a common misconception that people need to resolve things within themselves and be “perfect enough” to be worthy of love. This is a subconscious thing that people tend to think, so today I’m going to address the mini myths that exist under the larger myth around being fully healed. It’s my hope that talking about these will help shift your perspective on this topic.
This myth states that if you go back to your “old behaviors,” it cancels out the work you’ve already done on yourself. It says that you’re headed somewhere – towards being fully healed. You’re looking to fix yourself to be “good enough.”
This means that you’re striving to be beyond human and to achieve perfectionism. If this is something you’re grappling with, I want you to question what you’re doing this for? Why do you feel like you need to “fix” aspects of yourself?
This could stem from abuse you’ve experienced or a time when you were not accepted. And that could lead you to settling for constant rejection, plus failing to give yourself grace subjects you to rejection from even yourself.
Giving yourself grace does not equate to being permissive. Too many of us don’t trust ourselves to reroute altering giving ourselves a moment of grace, and that’s what really needs to be addressed rather than the idea of going back to “old behaviors.”
This myth says that there are endless “problems” with ourselves that need solving. That idea is getting in our way because we’re examining human aspects of ourselves as problems.
These aspects may be a result of trauma and it can lead to us being almost addicted to problem-solving when it comes to things about ourselves. It addicts us to perfectionism and even an obsession.
We do it because we’re looking to achieve perfectionism. This comes down to wanting to be accepted and feeling as though we need to change ourselves for that. Instead, we need to focus on accepting ourselves for who we are, getting to know our bodies and what it needs, and just practicing that radical self-acceptance.
Once the things we think we need to fix feel heard and seen, they will stop their antics and will stop sabotaging you.
The final myth talks to people that are people pleasers or that are anxious in relationships. Here, we think we need to get rid of aspects of ourselves, but these aspects just start coming out in unexpected ways. We project them onto others or experience a lack of awareness of how we’re actually acting and interacting with others.
These parts of us don’t need to be rejected. They need our listening ears and our acceptance. When these aspects of ourselves are running the show, it is not helping us. But, we need to tap into what the people pleaser in us wants us to know so that we can figure out what it wants to bring to our attention without judgment.
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Self-acceptance is not permissiveness, but it’s all about being available to yourself without judgment or criticism. Examine parts of yourself with understanding and compassion.
Carl Rogers says, “The curious paradox is that when I accept myself, then I can change.” This quote really hits home for me, and when you get it – you’ll really, really get it.
Acceptance changes everything, so start practicing it with yourself to stop feeling like you need to heal yourself and begin being happy with who you currently are.
Thank you sooo much for reading!
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