In this post, I’m covering the topic of emotional availability. This is especially great for anyone who seems to always attract partners that are emotionally unavailable. I want to help you to attract someone who is emotionally available as you navigate the dating world.
For the longest time, I assumed I knew what emotional availability is. But as it turns out, I really didn’t have that true and deep understanding. So I want to define it for you to ensure you have an accurate understanding of what it is before we go into how to attain it in a partner.
Emotional availability is the ability for someone to be available for your emotions. So what does that mean? It means that when it comes to your feelings, someone who is emotionally available is grounding, fully present, able to hold space for your feelings, is non-judgmental or critical toward your feelings, is not personally affected by your emotional tides, and is able to mirror back to you and validate how you feel.
Those who have experienced trauma may not be familiar with the phenomenon of being with someone who IS emotionally available. This happened to me, and being with someone of that nature made me feel unsafe. It could cause self-sabotage in that relationship. It may prompt someone to project their feelings back onto that partner, playing the blame game with them, and ultimately rejecting them.
Likely when we don’t attract emotionally available partners, we’re not emotionally available to ourselves. It’s a pretty powerful thing to think, but it’s completely true – and I know that firsthand. You need to keep space for your own emotions. Many times, the kind of person you attract mirrors the way that you act – and this doesn’t exclude how you act with emotions.
Once you gain an understanding of what emotional availability really is, you can begin effectively attracting it.
Your ability to express your emotions or how other people have held space for your emotions is something to consider on this topic. I also want to touch on the fact that I’m trying to change the way that we – as a collective – think of an approach to dating. Your ability to express emotion and be vulnerable with men is something that they’re actually looking for. Men are interested in getting to know your heart.
Your ability to open up can really help you attract the right partner. Hiding your vulnerability will make it hard to cultivate authentic relationships. This ability is built or torn apart in a relationship, and if yours has been wounded the only way it will be healed is within a safe and loving relationship.
So don’t be afraid to be open. Share your emotions with other people, be soft, and create a deep intimacy with yourself. This will lead to a natural intimacy within your relationships, which is the glue that holds these relationships together.
I am in a new relationship and my boyfriend is really great. While he’s pretty private as a person, he did give me permission to share an example of how he’s shown up for me emotionally since we started dating. I think doing this will be helpful to you in expanding your understanding of the topic.
I know that there’s a belief that you can’t be vulnerable with someone until you’re in an official relationship. But on our third date, we were talking and I wanted to share about a hard personal decision I had to make. I felt like he had done such a great job validating my emotions up to that time and I felt safe sharing with him.
So I went ahead and shared and as I was doing so, I unexpectedly started crying. And at that moment, he was SO fully present. He let me cry, listened, and was so soothing at that moment. He gave me a long hug and made me feel truly safe. The emotions that were flowing out were those I didn’t even know I had and, with him, they came flowing out. He wasn’t trying to get me to stop crying or just throw advice at me.
After I was done speaking, he gave me amazing guidance. It helped me so much. And that’s really the power of emotional availability. Since then, he’s shown me that he’s patient and that he can effectively mirror what I’m feeling and validate those feelings.
I want you to be able to be your authentic self and share your heart with your partner and for you to be emotionally available for that partner too. Being able to enjoy that aspect of a relationship will really change your world and I hope that this post has opened your eyes to how you can examine your own emotional availability and seek it in your love life too.
Thank you sooo much for reading!
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