Welcome back to The Self Love Fix. Today, I want to get into something that actually has the potential to change your life if you really, really lean into what I’m about to say.

How you feel is going to be one of the most important things you will ever tend to in your life. Taking care of how you feel, paying attention to how you feel, being responsible for how you feel…these are the most important things you will ever do in your life, because they’re going to impact every area of your life. 

A lot of people think how you feel has everything to do with your circumstances—what’s going on with money, what’s going on in your dating life, what’s going on in your relationship, etcetera. And don’t get me wrong; we’re human beings. These things can absolutely impact us, but we have to learn how to start taking power back and extricate our feelings from those situations, or else we’ll be at the whim of whatever is happening around us that day.

Our emotions are cyclical. They’re always changing; they’re not linear. How you feel actually has nothing to do with your external circumstances.

Milestones Shouldn’t Determine Your Contentment

I think we’ve imprisoned ourselves into this idea that when we finally get the relationship we’ve been dreaming of, when we hit a certain cash amount per month in our business, when we pay something off, when we have a certain amount in our bank account, etcetera…that’s when we’ll finally be happy.

In this situation, you’re being led by your environment. You’re allowing what is outside of you to determine how you get to feel. You’re allowing your essence, who you are, how you flow, and how you move in the world to be dependent on your circumstances. 

That is not being in your power. That is not being the most expansive version of yourself. In fact, to me, that’s actually quite a limited way of living, and as a result, it’s going to limit the way you do things.

If the way we be is limited, the way we do will be as well. 

Taking Power Back

There’s something to be said about how you feel taking precedence over everything, to the point that you don’t need your external environment and what’s happening in it to decide for you how you will move.

It is so powerful to be able to look at what’s happening in your environment and choose to move a certain way in spite of it. For example, I took a walk this morning before I opened up Voxer to plug in with my clients, before I went on social media, before I did any work, before I did anything. I took a walk for about forty-five minutes, and I stayed in total receiving mode. 

I was tuned into my environment. I allowed myself to pay attention to how I felt and made my own vibration a frequency before I tended to anybody else.

Before that walk, I spent an hour sipping my matcha in my living room and sitting in total gratitude mode. I was thinking about all the ways I’m currently supported and expressing gratitude for that, while also thinking about all the ways I desire to be supported.

I was doing this because I woke up in a very odd mood. I was feeling a little anxious, but I held space for how I felt, and then I decided that I wanted to feel differently. I wanted to start the day off feeling differently, because I care about how I feel. 

By the way, this is not bypassing your emotions; this is just decision-making. There is a huge, huge difference between emotional bypassing and you being in a position of leadership over your life and asking yourself how you want your energy to lead the way today. I wasn’t avoiding how I felt; I was taking power back.

When I think about the different domains of my life—business, money, friendships, relationships, etcetera—I don’t want my external environment or what’s currently happening to be the decision maker of how I act in that moment. 

To me, the moment you let something outside of you be the decision-maker of how you get to feel, you’ve dropped your power. You’ve dropped your power, because you’ve actually decided that your leadership and how you lead your life is contingent upon what’s happening outside of you. And until you start taking power back, none of that is going to change.

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Feminine Energy and Emotions

Taking power back has a lot to do with being anchored in your feminine energy.

For a lot of us, our feminine is fucking starved. This is why I believe so deeply in the work of masculine energy and feminine energy, because when we’re talking attraction, a lot of it has to do with our connection to our feminine. 

Our connection to our feminine also has a lot to do with our inner power. So when we’re disconnected from our feminine, a lot of us feel victimized by our environment and feel like we have to make certain decisions or do certain things because we have been cut off from our own source of power.

Take dating, for instance. When you see certain things happening in your environment over and over again, you decide that this is just what you’re going to get. 

You tell yourself you’re always going to be in situationships. You’re always going to attract people who are emotionally unavailable. Even when you do attract men, you’re going to have to fight tooth and nail for them to value you. 

Does that sound like acting in your power? Is looking at your environment making decisions and forming beliefs from that place taking power back? 

I’ve been there, and I refuse to be there again. I’m not entertaining powerlessness. I’m not making decisions from that place. I’m taking power back in every area of my life.

Living in Limitation

Making decisions based on what is going on with your external environment is a limited way of living. If you do that, you’re never going to start taking power back; you’re always going to live in limitation. You’re always, always, always, always going to live in limitation if you make decisions based on what’s happening in your current environment. 

You will not be able to start taking power back and acting in authority over what you get to believe is true about yourself until you prioritize how you feel.

In order to do this, you really have to be committed to taking power back. You really have to be committed to extracting that internal sense of power and being anchored in it. And honestly,  this is one of my greatest gifts as a coach; I’m very good at reminding people of their power and anchoring them back into the truth of who they are. 

There’s something to be said about moving with uncircumstantial power. It’s attractive to the things you want.

Mountains will move for you because you’ve decided to move uncircumstantially, so your external environment has no choice but to catch up, because you are holding that vibration. You are holding that energy, you’re tending to and caring about how you feel.

You’re taking power back. And that is a beautiful, beautiful thing.

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