Buckle up, friends. Today, we’re going to be tackling a pretty juicy topic here at The Self Love Fix: we’re going to be talking about comparison in business, relationships, and even in the process of being single and dating.
The reason we’re covering this today is that I love talking about things that most people hide away from…comparison, envy, and jealousy being a few of them.
Every human on this planet has experienced these feelings. We all just try to lie about it. But here’s the deal: I don’t think these experiences are wrong.
I think that when they’re shoved down and hidden, they don’t go away. Instead, they start to fester, and they become more of an unconscious experience.
When you hide your feelings of envy and comparison, they become shadows, because you’re not owning how you’re feeling. And when you’re not being honest with yourself about what you’re feeling and taking ownership over the fact that you’re comparing yourself to others, then it becomes a problem.
When it comes to comparing yourself to others in business, part of it can come from not having experienced what things are actually like in your chosen industry.
When I first started out in the coaching industry, I didn’t realize that five or six-figure months and seven-figure years were so normalized. In fact, part of why the coaching industry is so unique is because you can experience money like that relatively quickly compared to other industries, so I had no idea.
I came into this with very traditional business background views because of what I had learned in school. I am a registered dietitian, and throughout that program, we had to learn about business and marketing.
Because of that, coming into coaching, I knew that most businesses don’t become profitable until three to five years after they start. I was fully not expecting to see profit for three to five years. So for me, comparison in the coaching industry didn’t come until later.
But since then, coaching has exploded. A lot of people will come into the industry now expecting to hit multiple five-figure months right from the get-go, and they’ve never even had a client. They’ve never even sold a thing in their life.
From that expectation comes this comparison where people see that what’s possible for others, so they think they should also have that thing immediately. It’s even become a thing where, when it comes to content creation and building a platform, people will give up quickly because they see the success somebody else has and assume they’re doing something wrong.
Something I’ve noticed is that, when it comes to people who create more traditional-type businesses, the game of comparing yourself to others is actually out the window. They’re not even playing into that. They know the game of business, and they know it’s a long game.
You need to do the things you need to do. Marketing is non-negotiable. Creating content is non-negotiable. And honestly, if you’re somebody who wants to have a multi-six-figure business, you need bigger problems then it being hard for you to create content.
I know that sounds harsh, but it’s true. And listen…I had to learn that the hard way, because for a while, it was my biggest problem. Not anymore.
If you try to be loosey-goosey with your business and only make content when you feel like it, you will end up missing the work, the grit, and the pure masculine energy that goes into business. That energy comes from the traditional business concept of doing the things you have to do no matter what. Even when you don’t feel like it, you are committed to the grind.
Grind is a word I never thought I would use. If you’ve been following me for some time, you might be thinking, “Hey, Beatrice, you were more about the whole feminine flow thing. You were all about doing everything flowy. What happened?
What happened? Let me tell you: I’ve evolved. I have learned that business is a game of how committed you are to your vision, to your brand, and to the growth of your business.
Business doesn’t care about your emotional state. It doesn’t care about what you feel like doing.
I had to learn this myself. I had plenty of times where I just didn’t feel like creating content. I didn’t feel like sending emails. But the business was looking at me like, “Bitch, I don’t care what you feel like or don’t feel like doing. I’m a business. You have to grow me. You have to cater to me. You have to support me. I rely on you.”
The best way I can describe this is that it’s like having a kid. I’ve never had a kid, but I’m sure that a lot of parents don’t feel like waking up at 3 AM to breastfeed or bottle feed, but they know that they are responsible, and they do what they have to do.
I want to see people who build online-based businesses actually treat them like businesses. I want you to build a business of excellence. I want you to have the grit, because you’ll be amazed by the difference it makes.
It is very satisfying to be a person of integrity in your business, to be responsible for it and for that responsibility to not be a burden. It feels good to commit to going out there and doing the things you have to do because you care about your business.
I went through a season where I didn’t treat my business like a business. And now that I do, I want to see others rise up as well, because it is so satisfying to experience that balance of feminine and masculine energy with your business.
Unfortunately, when we start a business, what often happens is that the childhood wounds we haven’t met will come to the surface…and not only that, but they will start running your business. Usually through the lens of comparing yourself to others.
Here’s an example of what comparing yourself to others looks like in business: you’ll go on to Instagram and look at different people in your industry, whatever that might be, and you’ll start saying, “I should be at that point by now. I should be hitting these milestones also. I should be seeing this kind of success.”
Stop comparing yourself to others and pause to ask yourself one question …what are you actually doing to create that kind of success?
This is where comparing yourself to others meets entitlement. You see what somebody else has, and you start comparing yourself to others and going, “Well, I should have that, too.”
Why should you have it? Maybe you think you should have it because you’ve been in this business for just as long—if not longer—than them. Or maybe a colleague of yours is doing the same thing as you (at least, you think she is), and she’s having five or even six-figure months, so you should too.
But that isn’t a passive thing. You can’t just achieve certain milestones based on timelines or perceived similarities between your process and someone else’s. When you’re comparing yourself to others, you have no idea what they’re doing on the back end to make their success happen. I can promise you it isn’t coming to them automatically.
Comparing yourself to others doesn’t only happen in business, either. I’ve seen it happen in relationships and dating, too.
My boyfriend and I were recently watching The Ultimatum (don’t worry, I won’t spoil it) and there was someone on the show who seemed to have quite a great boyfriend. He seemed to try to do all the things to really make her happy.
For instance, he really showed out for Valentine’s Day. He gave her an experience; he laid out the rose petals and all that stuff, and her response to it was, “I mean, it was nice…” And he was like, “Nice? did all of these things for you.” And she was like, “Yeah, but it’s not like on TikTok. I want to see more romantic things.”
She wanted the big bouquet of flowers. She wanted more romantic gestures. I’ve had clients like this as well, and I’m just going to be honest with you…this version of comparing yourself to others? It’s lowkey giving toddler.
It just is. We definitely regress to a toddler-like state sometimes in our relationships; we look at what others have and we immediately jump to conclusions like, “Love means a big bouquet of flowers. My boyfriend got me these flowers, but they’re not the size of the ones people on TikTok are getting, so it’s not big enough.”
Now, I’m not saying you can’t have the big bouquets. I’m not saying you can’t be romanced. I love a romantic gesture as much as the next girl, but it’s interesting to really examine the entitlement in comparing yourself to others this way.
Here’s the question I would pose to you: Do you actually want that thing? Or do you see somebody else have it, start comparing yourself to others, and decide something’s wrong with your relationship or your partner because you don’t have it?
I’m going to end on that note, because I think that’s a powerful thing to contemplate. Are you saying that the only way you can experience happiness is if it looks exactly like that person’s life on TikTok or Instagram? Are you comparing yourself to others in business without pausing to think about whether you’ve actually been putting in the work? Something to really think about.
Be sure to connect with me more on Instagram @theselflovefix. I’d love to hear what you thought of this episode and what your major takeaways were.
Head over to my website to learn more about how we can work together to shift your energy & transform your life.
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