Welcome back to The Self Love Fix. Today’s post is going to be a short one, but that’s not going to make it any less powerful.
I used to think that the more time I spent on something, the more in-depth I could be. But what about this concept that we can be brief, but still powerful?
This is something I’ve been challenging myself to be in my business, on my podcast, and across every square inch area of my life. I want to strengthen my ability to be brief but powerful, because that says something your ability to communicate.
A strong communicator is brief but powerful. A strong communicator will be able to say something with one sentence that has the ability to leave you pondering on it for years.
That being said, today I want to talk about how you can become someone who’s powerful at setting boundaries and powerful at using your voice.
I think there’s something to be said about setting boundaries and using your voice confidently.
When somebody speaks with confidence behind their voice, it’s an energy that you can feel.
That confidence is palpable, and it has the power to evoke a response of respect.
I don’t mean this as someone shoving something down the other person’s throat by making demands. If you’re setting boundaries by saying, “You have to treat me this way. You have to respect me,” that’s not powerful.
Leading with power in setting boundaries and using your voice is actually you having a deep respect for the needs of your body, as well as you being an effective communicator that knows how to share those needs with people…and how to do so without projections.
Somebody who’s good at setting boundaries is good at dropping projections.
There are a lot of people who preach things that actually go the opposite way, where they almost encourage you to set boundaries through your projections. Be careful on these TikTok and Instagram streets; be careful who you’re listening to, because they might tell you that you have to act a certain way or say a certain thing when setting boundaries, and that’s just manipulative. That is not leading with power in your voice. That’s manipulation and a whole bunch of projections.
When I say projections, I mean that you’re not taking the responsibility for how you feel.
Here’s an example: let’s say you have a roommate, and they want to set a boundary with you about cleaning. Someone who has projections in their boundary setting might say, “You’re really messy, and I need to have a clean space. I can’t live like this. I don’t even know how you live like this.”
We’ve probably all had a roommate experience like this, whether we were on the giving or receiving side. Tell me, did you actually listen to somebody like this? Or, if you were the one saying it, did they actually listen to you? Who would be motivated to listen to a boundary or a request when there’s a bunch of projections muddling it? When someone is putting the responsibility of how they feel onto you?
Nobody is going to listen to that. They’re going to be too busy being in their ego and trying to defend themselves. They’re not even going to hear what you need. But I bet if that same person came to you in this scenario and said, “Hey, I’ve recognized that we both have different approaches and styles to how often we like to clean. And a space that is frequently upkept is really important to me. Would you be open to a discussion about how we can work together so that we can have this space that would be supportive to both of us?
Do you hear the power and ownership and effective communication behind that? You’re likely more receptive hearing that, because somebody’s not projecting their responsibility on to you.
Instead, they’re taking ownership. They’re sharing how they feel, and they’re giving specifics.
Now, every boundary is a collaboration, and this one is more of a request than it is a boundary, but that example still shows the power of confidently using your voice to clearly and specifically explain your boundary with the expectation of being listened to.
Not every boundary is a collaboration, but every boundary needs somebody to be in a position of ownership and accountability, and that is being in your power. That is effective communication.
The biggest thing I want you to take away from this is dropping projections, because this is how you become a powerful boundary setter.
Where are you throwing responsibility on other people? Where are you not taking accountability for how you actually feel? Where are you setting a boundary where you feel like you have to give ten pages’ worth of explanations because you feel like you won’t actually be heard? Where can you strengthen the part of you that feels like what you have to say is important, and people want to listen to you?
Setting boundaries will tell you a lot about how you feel about your voice.
Do you have a conditional attitude towards your voice? Do you use your voice like an instrument, or is it something you tuck away and don’t share with other people?
For me, I use my voice. I use that bad boy like an instrument every minute of every hour of every day. To me, my voice is an instrument that I can use to express and share what’s going on with me, because I can’t expect other people to automatically know.
My voice is an extension of my being…and yours too. So where are you in disconnect with your voice? Where do you feel like your voice is something that you try to avoid using? Where can you strengthen your relationship to your voice? Something to think about.
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