We’re heading into unpopular opinion territory today, friends. I have some dating app tips to share with you this week.
Dating apps aren’t an easy to thing to navigate, whether you’ve just joined or if you’ve been trying to use them for years without success. It’s easy to get frustrated—or even write the apps off entirely—when you aren’t getting the results that you want.
That’s why today, I’m going to be sharing the dating app tips I’ve shared with my clients—tips that served me well when I was using dating apps. These dating app tips led me to going on weekly dates when I was single, and I was able to actually date people that matched what I was looking for.
Without further ado, here are my top five dating app tips…
The first of my dating app tips: bring the same energy of commitment to the apps as the commitment you’re looking for in a relationship.
If it’s been three weeks and you’re giving up on dating apps because you haven’t found someone, I really wonder about your level of commitment to things. If you’re waiting for something on the outside to give you a reason to commit to a process—for instance, if you’re having a good conversation with someone on Bumble and it’s making you want to be on the app more—then it’s outside conditions that dictate how you move in your dating life, and that’s not the energy that’s going to make dating apps work for you.
So, are you only as committed as what your external environment is showing you? Or are you committed even when there’s radio silence? When a week or two passes by and you’re not yet finding what you’re looking for, are you giving up? Are you telling yourself that the app is the problem? Or are you still committed and trusting in the process?
The reason why this is so important is because the way you approach the dating process is going to directly mirror how you experience a relationship. 100%.
If your commitment relies on what’s going on with other people—if you’re more committed when you’re getting better matches and you’re less committed when you’re not seeing what you want to see—what do you think is going to happen when you’re in a committed relationship and there are rough patches to work through?
Do you think you’re gonna be willing to work things out? Do you think you’re going to have the patience, or are you going to wait for somebody else to come in and clean it up?
I’m not joking about this. The commitment you show to participating in the process on your dating app of choice will directly mirror how willing you are to be committed to your own relationship.
Some people might find someone on an app in a month. For others, it can take much longer. So if you find yourself getting concerned about the timeline, I really want to ask you…is this about the timeline, or is this about what you truly desire, which is a relationship? If you’re actually more focused on what you truly desire, the timeline won’t bother you. It won’t even be a thing. It’s only a thing if you’re making the timeline of the dating process mean something about you.
So, long story short, be willing to embody the energy of commitment. If you desire commitment, embody that thing. Normalize that thing in your life so that when it comes your way, it’s not a surprise, and you know how to handle and experience it.
Number two on the list of dating app tips: don’t put all your eggs in one basket.
This one is hard for some people. I’ve actually had people come after me for this, which is fine. Nobody is required to agree with me. But I am one of those people that believes if you’re single and dating, you should be dating multiple people.
Let’s say you match with someone, and you’re having a really great conversation with them. That’s amazing, but if your next move is to drop everything else and focus in entirely on that one person, you might find yourself disappointed.
What a lot of people do is look at this situation and say, “I’m having a really good conversation with this person, so I’m going to hone in on them. I’m not going to talk to anybody else on this app.”
And the problem with doing this is that you haven’t even gone on a date with them. You don’t know what they’re about. You don’t even know what they’re looking for.
Bottom line? You’re not in a relationship with them. And if things fizzle out with them, you end up frustrated and disappointed, and there’s this dread of starting the whole process over again. You have to share who you are, what you’re about, what you’re looking for, and you feel like it takes so much energy.
But here’s the thing: you feel that way because you’ve honed in on someone and decided that they’re your person, and you’re not even dating them. They’re just someone you’re meeting and getting to know.
In fact, they could take you out on a date—even two dates, three dates—and they’re still someone you’re just getting to know. You’re not in an exclusive relationship. So if they fall off or they fizzle out or things don’t just work, and you’re feeling like everything was so going so great, you probably saw them as being in a relationship with you, but that person was probably seeing you as someone they were getting to know.
When navigating the dating apps, you would do well to have that mentality of, “When I’m on these apps, I am getting to know people.” Let’s stop this “loyalty” people that we’re only just getting to know.
If you are single, you are single. Period. And this is not coming from a place of spite. This is coming from a place of knowing that dating is getting to know people, period.
Third up on my dating app tips list: be intentional with your profile. That energy that you put into creating the profile, it’s going to land with people who are also intentional about the dating process.
Think about it: have you ever come across somebody’s profile and noticed, “Wow, they really put some thought into this. This is witty, this is funny, this is cute. I’m seeing their personality,” etcetera.
It hits different. You can tell that they know themselves well enough to communicate that through a profile, which will tell you a lot about what it would even be like to have a conversation with them, because they probably have a lot to share. They’d probably be a very interesting person to communicate with, and they’re aware of who they want to attract.
Do you see how much you can get just based on the intentionality of a profile? It’s very likely that if they’re putting intention into their profile, they’re also looking for somebody intentional, and what are relationships? Intentional.
Fourth on my list of dating app tips: if you’re looking for a relationship, don’t hide it.
Don’t put down that you’re seeking “something casual” if you want something long-term. Lying is not the vibe.
When you’re single and dating, but you’re looking for a long-term committed relationship, make sure you put the somewhere in your profile. Don’t worry about scaring people off or being too forward by stating what you’re looking for up-front. That’s just being honest, and the people who are looking for a long-term relationship aren’t going to get scared by you putting in your profile that you’re also looking for a long-term relationship.
It will filter out the people who are on the apps just because they want to hook up, but if anything, that’s just making things easier on you. If you think it’s going to deter people, it’s actually doing its job, because it’s going to deter the wrong people and attract the right ones.
The fifth and last of my dating app tips: don’t limit your age range to a small range.
By doing this, you are actually downsizing your dating pool for no real reason. I’ve had clients tell me that they only put a certain age bracket because they were under the impression that younger men were more immature and older men were more mature, and we quickly debunked that together. Age is not the only determining factor of somebody’s maturity level.
There are some guys in their forties that desire to be single all the days of their lives, and there could also be guys in their early to late twenties who have really got it together and are looking for something committed. You can’t leave it up to age to determine somebody’s maturity level.
Get to know the person instead, and let that show you where they are maturity-wise. Don’t wipe out an entire population of possible people that you could be dating and getting to know.
Here’s a quick review of these dating app tips:
Firstly, match the energy of commitment you’re looking for in a relationship to the energy of commitment you bring to the apps. Secondly, don’t put all your eggs in one basket. Thirdly, be intentional with your profile. Fourthly, if you’re looking for a relationship, don’t hide it. And fifthly, don’t limit your age range to a small range.
If you follow all of these dating app tips, I think you’ll find that the dating app arena becomes a far more productive place for you to be.
Be sure to connect with me more on Instagram @theselflovefix. I’d love to hear what you thought of this post and what your major takeaways were.
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