All right, friends. Today we’re getting into a really juicy topic focused around accepting change.
Here’s the crux of it all: if you get to change, others do too…even if you don’t want to believe it.
Today, I’m going to be talking a little bit about my relationship with my family, and I’m going to trust that you’ll be able to know if this message about accepting change in others is something that you’re ready to hear right now, or if it’s something that you’ll be ready to hear in a little while. This message is not going to be for everyone, especially people who have a tough relationship with others or a tough time accepting change in others because they’ve been wronged by them.
Just check in with yourself, be judicial with this information, and know that you can take what flows and let the rest go.
If you get to change, other people do too. This goes for any and every situation imaginable; I know this is a hard pill to swallow, but here’s the deal: you will only allow yourself to change and grow inasmuch as you can hold space for someone else to do the same.
What do I mean by this? If you have a fixed mindset around certain people, if you are under the impression that they’ve always been this way and you can’t bring yourself to a place of accepting change in them, even when they show behavior that feels trustworthy, then this might be something you want to look at.
Be judicial with accepting change, of course. Not all “trustworthy” behavior is true. But if you feel that they’re being sincere and you still have trouble accepting change in them and holding them in a new light, if you still want to hold them captive to the person they were before, you are also doing the same to yourself.
I know this is tough to hear, and I know because I’ve been there myself. So I’m going to share something with you that’s a little more personal, and while I do, I’m going to trust that you can hold space for this information.
A short while ago, I spoke here about how I had this really bad burnout episode that led to a mental health episode.
While this was going on, my mother visited me when I was staying at my aunt’s house for the sake of my health. I didn’t know she was coming by, and my aunt didn’t know she was coming by either. But she did, and when she did…she actually apologized. Completely on her own, completely unprompted, she apologized for the things she’d done. And I could feel in my whole body and in my whole soul that she was truly remorseful. It was the first time I had ever witnessed or experienced that—she’s apologized before, but it never felt sincere.
This time I fully felt it, and I actually have committed to accepting change in her and not holding her captive in her past. I have not continued to hold a grudge against her for the things that happened in my childhood.
These days, I don’t care to bring up the events in my childhood anymore, because I don’t want to be captive to them.
At this point, it’s something that happened, and it’s something I’ve extracted my own power from. I’ve fully felt it and fully worked through it with therapists and coaches.
Does that mean I’m a perfect human now and my childhood doesn’t affect me anymore? No, absolutely not. I still have shadows to face, but what I’m saying is this idea that my past holds me captive is not something I want to play into.
Now, this part is why I mentioned being judicial over whether you’re ready to receive this message on accepting change in others. This is not going to make sense to you if you’re fresh out of an emotionally abusive relationship or are uncovering an emotionally abusive past. This is going to feel like invalidation to you, but I promise that’s not the intention. Understand that I’m in a very different place. Understand where you are and where I am and decide for yourself if it makes sense for you to hear a message on accepting change right now.
For me, at this point in my life, I feel that if my mother was able to come to the conclusion that she messed up and she was able to offer genuine remorse, who am I to hold her captive to all the things she’s done in the past?
You have to be able to be in a place where you can hold people in their ability to change and grow, because you will only ever meet yourself and allow yourself to grow inasmuch as you can hold someone else through that process.
For me, this is what makes sense. Maybe it doesn’t for you. This is not always the case with people’s families and parents. For some it makes sense to distance themselves rather than accepting change, and for a while, I did distance myself from my family. I’m just not in that space right now.
I’m very careful when I talk about my own personal relationships, because I don’t want what I do to be what you do. I want what you do to be a move that makes sense for you, that’s in alignment with your intuition, that’s in alignment with what you think is best for you. That’s building self-trust.
This goes both ways, of course—if you can start accepting change in others, you get to change, too. If you are still holding yourself captive to that image of who you were in college or you’re feeling embarrassed about it, but you’re completely different now, you’re keeping yourself trapped in stagnancy instead of accepting change in yourself.
You’re a dynamic human being. It is human nature to evolve. And as human beings, we can learn from other people who do evolve; if we can hold and witness them in that, just think about what’s going to be possible for us!
We can expand. And the only one who is stopping us from that is ourselves. Our own inability to listen to our own inner knowing and instead listening to external sources or people who are interested in entertaining stagnancy.
I want you to take a look at where you might be holding people captive in their old selves, but don’t gaslight yourself in the process, all right? There’s a big difference between recognizing where you’ve been limiting others and gaslighting yourself into letting someone who’s abused you back into your life because it might be different this time. Use that beautiful brain of yours to know the difference between the two!
Before wrapping this post up, I want to make sure I mention one of my newest projects, the Shameless Societea Facebook Group. This is a Facebook community group just for this blog, my podcast, and for people who pop up in my world through other means. I’d love for you to be a part of this.
It’s amazing. It’s a whole vibe. We’ve got lots of resources coming up (including FREE master classes!), and it’s really, truly meant for community. It’s in service to you. A little labor of love from my team and myself to you. You can join right here: https://www.facebook.com/groups/theshamelesssocietea/about/
Ready to learn how to alchemize your victimhood, obstacles, and past into powerful, fast magnetism of your desires to you + through you with ease? Join the MOVE masterclass now: https://beatricekamau.mykajabi.com/offers/GKozLqFu/checkout
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