We can all agree that…

going through a heartbreak is hard no matter what the circumstances. But in a time like 2021, where many of us are already feeling isolated, alone, and disappointed with changing or cancelled plans, it can feel near impossible. 

I went through a heartbreak myself this past year, and the healing process has not been easy (especially during the holidays). Thankfully I was still able to eat and do those basic things that kept me healthy, but there were lots of sleep-ins, slow days, and Bridgerton sob sessions.

I bring all this up to say even if you’re not going through a heartbreak, just doing your best in a time like today is worthy of applause. It is so enough, I cannot stress how enough it is. 

But if your heart is hurting like mine was, it is even more important than usual that you time for yourself to work through those fee{“type”:”block”,”srcClientIds”:[“607bfd02-8ad4-4a2e-90d1-5d6136578034″],”srcRootClientId”:””}lings and approach your journey with compassion, patience, and self-love.

When you release from an attachment, there are shifts that happen in every single aspect of your life. Not only does your routine change, but the removal of a bond that has become so expected to your body can cause a lot of chemical changes within it. 

There is scientific backing to those mornings you can’t wake up, or have no motivation to clean, cook, or do anything productive. It almost feels like a part of your identity changes.  Sometimes you can feel literal pain! I did, right in my heart (imagine that!). 

Here is some advice to keep in mind while processing your heartbreak so you can eventually come out of that dark place and return to a place of joy.

1. Allow yourself to feel all of your feelings, even the hard ones. The thing with “I just want to get over it”, is that those negative feelings don’t just evaporate. If we don’t face them head on, they’ll come out in ways we don’t want like our other relationships. It sounds cliche, but truly the only way out is through.
2. A lot of times struggling with codependency means keeping all of our feelings private and dealing with them alone. This couldn’t be further from what human beings need for healing, but unfortunately our friends can’t be there for us all the time and still prioritize their own needs. Short-term therapy and/or coaching programs can be a great way to hold space for you & your needs with people who are willing and able to do so.
3. This one may sound silly, but during my healing process it was comforting to remind myself that although the emotions we feel during heartbreak are hard, they’re also human and beautiful. The range of human emotion is far and wide and experiencing them all reminds us of just how human we are.
   If we think about it through this lens, it’s actually an amazing opportunity to learn about ourselves, remind ourselves that we’re alive, and affirm how much we’re capable of.
4. Be patient and present for the whole experience. I know thats easier said than done, but think about it like this: If you knew someone whose loved one had just died, would you tell them to take their time or “just get over it”? A break-up may not be a literal death, but it is certainly a loss and deserves to be honored as such.
5. When it is time to get back out there (and you’ll know in your heart when it’s truly time without rushing), try not to let the pain of the past scare you away from a beautiful future. For the longest time, I didn’t even want to get serious/vulnerable and really connect with somebody because the idea of hurting that deeply when it ended was too scary. But in reality, falling in love is saying “I am willing to take the risks necessary to further understand this person and myself.” – and that is a wonderful thing.

Human beings moving through emotions are like the ocean- it comes in waves and it’s ever evolving.

I invite you: choose to be there for yourself through the high tides and the lows.