When I first started the Self Love Fix, my vision was a bit different from what it’s become.
Originally, the podcast and the blog were going to be spaces where I would give you weekly tips about seeking authentic self-love. The idea behind the title was that you would come here to get your weekly “fix” of self-love guidance, like a candy fix or a coffee fix. A place where you could get what you needed for the week.
More than that, I saw that there was a clear gap in the podcasting space that needed filling. When I looked around at the podcasting community, there was no one who really looked like me working in this niche. There was no one who was black who was also speaking about how childhood affects your adulthood and practicing authentic self-love.
I wanted to be that voice for women of color, especially because by that point, I was so tired of the fluffy conversations. I was desperately craving some actual substance, begging for somebody to please give me the real shit. I wanted to talk about the ego work, the shadows, all the other deep stuff, and nobody really was. So that’s how I started out.
When I first started this thing, it was my first time ever speaking on any kind of forum—in this case, a podcast. So at the beginning, a lot of the things I said were a bit fluffier, even though that wasn’t what I was craving myself. I was so careful to make sure my message was packaged in a nice, safe little box so as not to offend anyone that I lost the sharp edge I was searching for at the start.
Since then, I have finally gotten to this place where I believe that my content and my platform are up for interpretation. I am up for interpretation. Some people may misunderstand me, but the people who get it, get it. And that’s really all that matters.
You always have permission to evolve. You don’t have to stay the person you were last year, or even the person that you were two months ago. You’re a human being; you were born for evolution.
So now, I’m stepping into a new space. Where The Self Love Fix was originally centered around getting your self-love tips fix, now we’re cleaning up the way we view self-love.
Most of the work I do right now with clients and even what I speak to on this podcast has to do with self-trust, and that’s mainly focused on shadow work. I’ve been obsessed with shadow work from the very beginning, but I’m approaching it differently now.
If you know anything about me, you know I’m constantly saying that you don’t need to fix yourself. There’s no fixing yourself. Rather, what we’re actually doing in The Self Love Fix is cleaning up how we view self-love.
This isn’t a quick, clean process. It’s going to be a lifelong journey for everyone, even for me. But to me, authentic self-love means deeply knowing yourself and deeply trusting yourself, even when you begin seeing yourself more clearly and you don’t entirely like what you see.
That’s authentic self-love: accepting parts of yourself that you’ve cast into the shadows.
Sound good? Then welcome to the new rendition of the Self-Love Fix.
I love the new angle that this is coming from, and part of that angle is an emphasis on shadow work and ego work. For that reason, I am now claiming my title as the Ego Whisperer.
If you’re wondering what an “ego whisperer” is, don’t worry, it’s not something you’ve missed. I just coined this term; in fact, I filed a trademark for it!
To me, the Ego Whisperer is how I now describe myself. After having so many amazing, incredible clients and students and working so closely with them, I’ve learned that one of my greatest gifts is taking a concept people might have already heard before and presenting it in such a way that it finally clicks for them. Even people who listen to my podcast will message us over in the team inbox or on Instagram and tell me, “I’ve heard what you said before, but it never really landed until you said it the way you did. You have a way with words. You put it in such a way that I’m more receptive to the information.”
Now, I wouldn’t say I’m saying the same things as everyone else, but I’m sure a lot of the things I’ve said are not completely new to my audience. But if you’ve heard it from someone who’s not packaging it in a way that your ego will receive, you’re not going to be receptive to that new information. So that’s why I pride myself on being the Ego Whisperer; that is, the one who can present things in such a way that you’re able to get to the core of things that you’ve been suppressing.
As the Ego Whisperer, it is the delight of my life to present things to you in a way that allows those parts of you that have been cast into the shadows to feel heard, to feel seen, and to allow you to rise the fuck up and step into your power. So yes, I am the Ego Whisperer. Nice to officially meet you.
Fun fact: it’s really difficult to shift out of limiting beliefs and instead shift into a new way of seeing yourself in order to do shadow work and ego work. If you do not know how to speak to the ego—or as I like to say, flirt with the ego—you can only go as far into personal development and ego work and self-acceptance as your ego will allow you to go.
Another fun fact: your ego will only allow you to do ego work, to go to the depths of who you are and to see new parts of yourself, if you know how to partner with it. So from here on out, you’ll be hearing me speak a lot more about doing ego work and embracing the shadowy aspects of ourselves, the parts that we’ve cast away, because that is where the real self-love lies.
It’s easy for your ego to approve of the parts of you it likes. It’s a whole lot harder to do the ego work and start practicing self-love for the dark, shadowy parts of you that you’ve rejected.
If you’ve been around for some time, you’ll notice that I’ve taken you on a journey throughout the Self Love Fix podcast and blog. In the beginning, we weren’t really engaging in ego work; we were mostly taking a look at our childhoods and things that happened in the past. I also placed a lot of emphasis on narcissistic abuse, codependency, and things like that, because I really wanted to provide that resource, especially for women of color. Why?
Because it’s super taboo.
If you know anything about me, I love the taboo. I get a kick out of the taboo. I’ve been like this since I was a kid, so of course it had to be part of my platform.
But besides that, we started out there rather than with ego work for one reason: you won’t even be able to start diving into shadow work and ego work if you are in a place where you’re not even at baseline. If you’re spiraling all the time, if you’re living in a traumatized or highly dysregulated state or there’s still a lot of shame keeping you from taking a look at your deeper self, you can’t even begin to dive into the world of personal development and ego work. You’ll be too afraid of saying the wrong thing, deep-seated things that might be marked by childhood events or an abusive relationship with a partner or something like that. Because of that, I really wanted to provide that foundation before going near ego work.
I want you to see how I’m evolving so that you know that you get to evolve, too. This is so much more than me just talking about my own brand; this is about evolution. This is a behind-the-scenes so that you really get to see what I stand for and where I’m taking you. After all, you’re listening to me every week, I want you to know the person behind the mic.
Now that we’ve gone through that baseline, we are now heading to a place where we are going to take accountability for the places where we currently are and the places we want to reach instead.
There’s nothing we can do about what has been done to us in the past; we can’t go back in time. What’s done is done. But you know what we get to do?
We get to (not have to; get to) look at ourselves and say, “Where are the places where I’m participating in behaviors that are unsupportive to me? Where is my accountability in this thing?”
Now, that’s a hard thing to hear…unless, of course, you’re the Ego Whisperer, who knows how to deliver the message so that you’re able to receive it. Nobody said ego work was necessarily fun, but it is important.
I hope you’ve enjoyed this conversation around redefining self-love, shadow and ego work, and allowing yourself to step into an evolution.
To conclude, I want to leave you with this: you do get to evolve. This idea that you’re supposed to be the same person that you were five years ago? It’s a bunch of BS. I’m willing to bet that if I looked back on some of the things I said five years ago, I’d probably put my hands over my eyes. Trust me, my ego would not want to touch that with a ten-foot pole, ego work or not!
You know why? Because I’m a human who changes her mind. That is part of being a human being. If you are someone different than you were a couple years ago, a couple months ago, even a couple weeks ago? Amazing. That tells me you’re in a place where you’re willing to expand, which means you have room for shifts and movements in your belief systems, which will help you immensely in ego work.
Thank you for coming with me this far. I can’t wait to bring you along on this journey.
Join Self Trust Alchemy, a program designed to help you alchemize self-doubt, overwhelm, and overthinking to next-level self-trust in your ability to set boundaries, achieve your goals, and use your voice: https://beatricekamau.thrivecart.com/self-trust-alchemy/
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