Today, I want to talk about scarcity mindset—in particular, I really want to address scarcity through the lens of dating, and how it often shows up as entitlement.
What do I mean by that? Let’s dive right in, shall we?
So, what does it look like to be entitled in your dating life? Maybe you have your walls up and you don’t want to share any bit of your emotional side with anyone. When you go on a date, you’re monotone and withholding, but there’s this entitled feeling of, “You should want to get to know me. You should bust through my walls. You should do whatever it takes to earn my trust.” You want them to earn your trust before you open up to them before you go any further.
There’s also this attitude of, “Well, I’m great. I’m fabulous. I’m a catch.” And hey, I’m sure you are! I know you are. But it’s this attitude of, “By virtue of that, I should have this. I should have this, because I’m this. Because I’m that, I deserve this.” It’s entitlement mindset. And entitlement mindset is a form of scarcity. It’s saying, “I know I’m worthy of something,” so that’s great. You’ve got that part down. You know you’re worthy of something, but entitlement mindset has you also saying, “I am going to make sure it comes from this person,” or, “I’m going to make this person bend to my will, or else I’m not gonna have any of this love thing. Forget about it. This person I’m doing this situationship thing with, or this casual dating for months and months with…if it’s not you, it’s no one.” That’s not tenacity, that’s an entitlement mindset.
There’s this idea of, “Because I am, you should.” “Because I have gotten all these degrees, I should.” I hear that a lot, someone saying, “Because I went to school or I earned this amount of money, I should have this thing.” It is so funny to me, because in no other area of life do we do this. Let’s put it in the context of school. When it comes to getting a degree, we don’t have that entitlement mindset. We don’t say, “I should have the degree just because I’m smart and I deserve it.” No, we work our ass off! We work our ass off, we do whatever it takes, and then we get it. Am I saying you have to earn love? No, I’m not saying that you have to be out here earning love. I’m trying to tell you that there are places in your life where you’re willing to change the way you see things to become a match for what you want. So in school and university, you might shift and change the way you spend your time, because you desire a degree. It’s not changing you. It’s not you manipulating things. It’s you shifting and changing your way of doing things to be a match for the thing that you want. But with the relationship thing, there is a lot of entitlement mindset. People think, “I should just have it. It should just fall into my lap.” And there’s no willingness to look at what ways you might be contributing to not receiving what you want, or in what way you might be sabotaging this thing. And when we carry that energy of believing someone should just want us because we’re great, and how dare they not want you…why should they want you when you’re not giving them anything to want?
Let’s try another way of looking at this. Say you have a blank white box with something inside, and you see this box at the store. You are the blank white box, and you’re going on a date to get to know someone, but this person knows nothing about you. You’re giving nothing. You’re giving nothing about who you are, nothing about your heart, nothing about your personality, because you wanna hide it until they gain your trust, so you give them nothing. You want them to prove you can trust them with the product hiding inside the box. Meanwhile, how are they supposed to know what’s there enough to know if they want it? You’re giving them nothing but a blank white box and you say, “What the fuck is wrong with you? Why don’t you want me?”
If you see a white box like this at the store, and it’s sealed up, are you buying the joint? No, you’re not buying the joint, because if you think about your resources, your time, your energy, your money…if you’re investing time and money and energy into this thing, if you’re paying for it, then you’re going to figure out what’s in it before you buy it. Nobody’s gonna wanna expend their resources like that when they don’t know somebody, so holding back your heart under the guise of, “Well, I’ve been hurt before, I’ve been hurt so many times, I don’t know if I can’t trust anybody.” You end up approaching men and giving them nothing. This is where the entitlement mindset comes in, thinking you don’t have to do a thing. You think someone is just gonna see a blank white box and want to know about it, want to invest their time in it, want to invest their resources in it; or, alternatively, if you’re the type of person who isn’t giving much, but you have a desire to be in a relationship, that’s going to be your only thing. That’s all they can see from you. That’s it, is the desire for the relationship, and that can come across as desperation. People tend to run from that energy.
So, like I said earlier, entitlement is a scarcity mindset. The two have such a close relationship with each other. Scarcity says, I don’t believe the thing that I want is out there, so I am going to make somebody be the thing I want.” This is where manipulation and entitlement mindset come in. Do you see it? “I don’t believe the thing I want is out there, so I’m going to make somebody be that thing for me.” It’s manipulation.
I’m talking about these things and I’m calling them as they are, because I wish so badly for you to know how much our unconscious mind is running the show. And a lot of times, that subconscious thing is truly sabotaging our ability to get into a relationship.
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Now, pause for a moment—I’m not trying to tell you there’s something wrong with you because you’ve fallen into an entitlement mindset. I’m trying to help you. I wish that when I was in this same entitlement mindset, someone would’ve just been honest with me. I think a lot of times we have conversations with our friends and with other well-meaning people, maybe even family members, where they’re like, “No, don’t worry. You’re not the problem, it’s the dating scene. The dating scene sucks. I know.” And it’s always a person that is already in a relationship, too, right? They’re like, “Oh yeah. I just can’t figure out why it’s not working for you. I know! It must be the apps. The apps are crazy these days. The generation’s not the same.”
I’m sorry, but it’s all BS. This idea that people just don’t wanna date anymore, that people don’t wanna commit anymore…it’s BS, because you see relationships everywhere. You see people getting married everywhere. These are all limiting beliefs. And all limiting beliefs to do is keep us where we don’t consciously want to be, but unconsciously, exactly where we actually want to be.
If you are subscribing to a limiting belief, unconsciously, subconsciously, you want to subscribe to. You just don’t know it. There’s something you are getting out of it. That’s why we say limiting belief. That’s why we stick by them. That’s why we petition for them, because some part of us, on an unconscious level, wants it. So until you learn how to get rid of entitlement mindset, you’re going to be stuck in this limiting belief forever, and it’s going to keep limiting you from finally achieving all the things you want.
Be sure to connect with me more over on Instagram @theselflovefix. I’d love to hear what you thought of this post and what your major takeaways were. DM WOD to get access to enrollment for Woman of Desire, the premium 4-month live group program designed to help you manifest the relationship that matches your standards.
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