Today we’re going to talk about something that most people would deny- the fact that we all get jealous. But what if instead of shoving it down in a well of shame, we instead took a moment to process it?

Jealousy Origin Story

Chances are when you feel jealousy rear its ugly head, it’s not even about whatever you’re envious of. You probably grew up in a household where you were constantly compared to others: a sibling, a classmate, whoever it might have been. This taught you never to truly see yourself or focus on your own needs, but only to view yourself as you related to others. Your path was defined by theirs, or at least, it should have been.
Social media only fuels this fire, and that’s why it’s important to remember it’s NOT real life, stop comparing yourself to strangers. Sure that fitness influencer looks great, but you’re getting a very small sample of what her life looks like- AND you’re only getting the best parts she chooses. For all you know, she could struggle with body dysmorphia or disordered eating and be miserable behind her weight lifting selfies and washboard abs.

I find that when I get input from people who were raised with a comparative mindset, they talk about how they have trouble relating and interacting with others. There is always an undercurrent of comparison, and if their friend is happy or finding success, it’s hard to be happy for them. This is a focus on lack, on scarcity. It’s the false presumption that if someone else is successful, it comes at the expense of my own success.

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You Don’t Even Really Want What They Have: The Bottomline

Here’s the thing, though, you may be jealous of people you know but I think you’re actually jealous of how happy they seem. You probably don’t want to spend 5 hours a day in the gym or have 3 kids right now, but God there must be something wrong with you for not wanting that. Because look how happy they are with it? 

Nope. This is a lie- everyone’s path looks different. And everyone has happy and hard times, no matter what they choose to share with you or on social media. For all you know, someone could stumble upon your account and feel the exact same way you do about others you’re jealous of. 

Jealousy isn’t even really about what the other person has or is doing; I’d argue it’s a signal that you’re searching for love and acceptance. It’s a warning sign flagging you down that maybe just maybe you’re not on a path that will lead you to the happy life you deserve. 

Another important factor to consider is that life is not a linear journey. There is no “destination” (well, until the final destination but who wants to talk about that?). Once you get X or meet Y, that’s no promise of you being happy forevermore. Life will continue to evolve and change, and so the best you can do is build a sturdy foundation full of things and people and experiences that make you feel loved. You. Not that random mom you follow on TikTok. She has her journey, and you have yours, and there is enough happiness for you both. . 

Be sure to connect with me more over on Instagram @theselflovefix, I’d love to hear what you thought of this post and what your major takeaways were.

Head over to my website to learn more about how we can work together to shift your energy & transform your life.

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See you back here for the next one! 

xx Beatrice