I’m the only one who can do it.

Sounds familiar?

The martyr might be playing a role in your life!

We all struggle with this martyrdom energy at some point. There are many different stories that a martyr has. And this is something we explore in Self Love Over Codependency as part of shadow work.

It’s sooo important to get to those shadows of codependency. Just like with martyrdom, we have no idea we are playing this stuff over and over again. 

How martyrdom functions in our lives.

Martyrdom is when we sacrifice our needs, our time, and our resources in favor of giving it to someone else.

Let’s talk about how you might have learned it growing up. Maybe you have a parent who would boast about how much they could do for others without needing a break. 

That type of ideology seeps into your mind and it’s completely out of your awareness.

It shapes your worldview. Is that fixed? No. It’s just what you’re operating off of now without even realizing it.

Take a look at the things you might complain to your friends about or people around you about. Take a look at that and ask yourself why you are putting your energy and time towards that. What are you getting out of it? Because if you’re participating in it, you’re getting something out of it.

We are trying to get a need met

The crazy thing about the ways we act out on our traumas is we end up creating the very things we complain about. Why do we do that? Because we’re trying to get a need met. It’s just outside of our awareness.

In the example with the parents, they are getting a need met by not accepting the help. That’s what the thing is with the martyr or martyrdom. It’s like, if I can complain about all the help I’m not getting then I can continue the story that I’m not supported.

We all complain about something. If it’s the same thing over and over again, that will give you a clue. And it’s using your resources, using your energy, depleting you.

How to shift the idea of the martyr

Can you be okay with the idea that not everything has to be done the way that you imagined it?

This was me for the longest time. “I cannot be supported because I’m the only one who knows how to do things. Nobody else can help me.” Is that ultimately true?

Try and take a look at some of those unconscious behaviors and patterns. Talk to them, have a conversation with them, and ask yourself if it’s true that you can’t be supported. Because that’s what the martyr believes. 

Here’s the deal. If you’re concentrating your energy on one certain thing, it’s going to turn out great. But if you’re trying to do that with every area of your life, you’re compromising the result. Because the martyr has you believing otherwise. We all know this because what happens is we get burned out.

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The Codependency Chronicles: Why Putting Yourself Before Others Is Not Selfish – The Bottomline

Our unconscious wounds jump out in different ways at different stages in our lives. It’s so important to get in tune with them, to hear what they have to say and bring light to them. Because when we do that, we start to have more compassion for ourselves and others. We start to breathe a lot easier, have less anxiousness, and have less stress. Having compassion and forgiveness for ourselves is how we heal.

Thank you sooo much for reading!

Be sure to use code “bizbirthday20” at checkout to save 20% off my e-books, e-courses, workshops, and more over at beatricekamau.com/programs

Be sure to connect with me more over on Instagram, I’d love to hear what you thought of this post and what your major takeaways were. 

See you back here for the next one! 

xx Beatrice